3 September 2020 #BetweenTheLinesDotVote Analysis Building Bridges? My friend MJ asked a profound question. It is one of the most fundamental questions we face. Our experiment is in risk of foundering. We are certainly floundering. Her question cuts to the heart of the matter.
2) I answered @KretkowskiMj's question in the thread that she posted it, yesterday. (Apologies again to @TPCLJ, for wrongly co opting her thread!) My answer is a set of 12 rules. Funny thing, I've been practicing and teaching this method for years, but never isolated the rules.
3) We'll dive in in a moment, but first I have to guide you toward my polling outfit, and its 5 questions + why? Conversations often benefit from structure, believe it or not. Having questions that have been worked through to logical perfection really does help!
4) So, first, here are the 5 questions, just add why? after each one: 1) Will you vote? 2) Who for? 3) Who should win? 4) Who will win? 5) How do you identify: Democrat, Independant, Republican? Just those 5, followed each time by the one-word question: why?
5) Before we dive into rules, two more points. The link to my polling site is below, where these questions are on ask for all Americans. And second, just try to hear me, listening is more powerful than speaking. You'll see that again in the coming rules.
The 12 Rules For Bridge Building
1) We must learn how to create an actual conversation, preferably face-to-face, but by any means. Some of those who, at first will not speak or listen, can be persuaded. Those who cannot, we must let go of.
2) Once conversing, it is mandatory to listen to the other person first. We must encourage them to speak fully, and from the heart, and we must hear them. The best way to show this is in silence, first, and then a response seeking their nod that you listened and understood.
3) During the listening stage, and ONLY at appropriate moments, enter into their description of where they stand, with the question: Why? This is called Root Cause Analysis, but it doesn't feel that way in a living conversation where deep listening is honestly employed. And...
3) Continued... And remember, you have to actually care. You have to actually want to learn what they think and why. You have to care.
4) Once they've shared all they wish, ask them if they're done, or maybe need time to explain more.
5) Only when fully completed and certified that you heard and understand completely, can it become your turn. And, it may not happen. Maybe not now. Maybe not ever. Or, maybe now or in the next conversation. There is an art to offering to speak.
6) When you offer, do it with love. Never burst out into your own diatribe. Give the other person the option to let go, for now, or forever, no matter. Your purpose was never to convert, only to learn. So, you must NOT allow any need to speak to take you over. You offer.
7) Your offer looks something like this: Well, I can't thank you enough for sharing, and allowing me to fully understand, to the degree I'm able. If you're interested in where I stand, I'd be delighted to share, and I'd never try to convert you, at all. Are you interested?
8) You must NOT expect to be listened to well, and maybe not at all, no matter how much the other person thinks they're listening. You must ready to be interrupted, contradicted, even insulted. You simply never respond in kind. You respond, but NOT in kind.
9) If the conversation remains polite enough, you simply stick to your point, or turn the floor over to your former-listener now-renewed-spokesperson. And be ready at this point to be politely bored. It will be boring. You must be ready for that.
10) If the other person is actually interested, but lacks listening skills, do NOT try to teach them how to listen. There is no joy there. It won't happen. But, as long as the conversation remains just polite enough to NOT break your boundaries, take back the floor if you can.
11) At any time the conversation becomes heated to a degree past your comfort zone, disengage immediately. Offer to try again another time, but... 12) Never be aggressive in reconvening. Wait till the other person invites you back.
Continuing this thread's tweet count... 17) In our webinar today, at 12:00 EST, we'll discuss the concept of every voter a pollster, too. You want to know what your friends and family feel, and where they stand. Our 5 questions + why? will truly help!
18) Head over to the Neighborhood Partner Facebook Group: facebook.com/groups/9462825… and join the conversation.
19) We will discuss: •Why we started BTL •What you can do as a BTL Neighbor to help us grow •A step by step guide on sharing BTL See you there at noon! BeweenTheLines.Vote
Thread ends at #19.
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